What is a Karmic Relationship? A Therapist's Guide to Signs, Meaning, and Healing
Originally published November 2024 | Refreshed July 2026I recently had the honor of contributing to Vogue's article on karmic relationships. Here, I explore the topic with both clinical and spiritual depth, so you can understand what a karmic relationship actually is, and how to heal.
If you've ever found yourself destroyed by a relationship that was the 'deepest' love you've ever felt, and at the same time tumultuous, maybe even toxic, this article is for you.
As a licensed psychotherapist specializing in holistic therapy, with a focus on spirituality and mental health, I have supported hundreds of beautiful humans just like you, dealing with relationship stress. I am particularly dedicated to addressing the chaos and pain often associated with karmic relationships.
What is a Karmic Relationship?
If you've ever felt instantly connected to someone, experienced love at first sight, or jumped headfirst into a relationship that just felt right all at once, you may have experienced a karmic relationship. This type of bond is marked by intense feelings, deep passion, and volatility that shows up fairly early in the relationship. It sparks fast and often burns to the ground quite rapidly. You may even find these relationships echo past experiences or unresolved issues from previous relationships (or past lives), creating pain and stress that feels deeply familiar.
I find it helpful to remember that at its core, a karmic relationship is part of the divine design of your life, meaning it's here to serve your conscious evolution and support the lessons needed for your soul's growth. This can look like a relationship that has unresolved karmic debt from a previous life, or a relationship that has the possibility of significantly contributing to your soul's evolution and growth.
“A karmic relationship is part of the divine design of your life, here to serve your conscious evolution and support the lessons needed for your soul’s growth.”
And while a karmic relationship might feel like a toxic relationship at times, that's not always the case. If you are in a karmic relationship to rewire outdated relationship patterns in your life, then you might end up in a relationship that looks toxic or dysfunctional in order to finally learn to set boundaries and heal. A karmic relationship could also look like a soul match that invites a deeply fulfilling relationship beyond anything you ever imagined, in order to learn how to trust, and how to truly love in this life.
Staying open to how the relationship is asking you to grow is critical to navigating the karmic relationship path.
13 Signs of a Karmic Relationship
A karmic relationship can sometimes register as a soul mate meeting or a deep inner knowing that this relationship is important or different from other relationships. Often, an intuitive nudge will key you into a karmic relationship and you will have a feeling that you've known this person before, or that you've been in a relationship with them for ages, even if it's just been a few weeks or months.
The most common sign of a karmic relationship is that you access the deeply wounded parts of yourself that are in need of healing. One of the hardest parts of a karmic relationship is that the person who unearths these deep wounds is usually not the person who helps you heal them. It takes a lot of soul searching, inquiry work, and spiritual and psychological growth to navigate a karmic relationship.
Here are 13 signs that you might be in a karmic relationship:
You experience an instant love at first sight feeling, believing you've found your soul mate
Your deepest wounds come to the surface early on in the relationship
You feel compelled to stay in the relationship even when part of you wants to run
The stress, trauma, or toxic traits show up early in the relationship
It feels like an emotional roller coaster
You find that the relationship is all-consuming, with an almost obsessive quality to it
You feel like a codependent drama queen (and unrecognizable to yourself)
The relationship ends abruptly and unexpectedly
You or your partner may struggle to tolerate each other's flaws
You experience trauma bonding
From the outside, it may look idyllic, but there's a tender painful part that you try to keep hidden from others (even close friends)
Miscommunication and disagreements frequently define your interactions
The relationship may seem too good to be true at first, and it turns out, that's the truth!
If you recognize yourself in this list, take a breath. Seeing it laid out like this can feel like a gut punch. It’s not random, and you’re not cursed. There’s often a deeper reason for the connection and the healing that comes from it.
“In a karmic relationship, the person who unearths your deepest wounds is rarely the one who heals them.”
Why Am I In a Karmic Relationship?
Despite the pain they bring, karmic relationships serve a higher purpose in life. They offer a powerful path to personal growth, inviting you to process unresolved issues from your past, to heal and forgive old pain, and to see yourself and your relationship patterns with depth and clarity. And they are often the catalyst for deep personal transformation. Does that mean we have to rejoice and celebrate? Absolutely not, but we can look for the lessons to lessen the pain.
Here are 5 reasons why you might find yourself in a karmic relationship:
You have unresolved karmic lessons to learn
You're ready to transform your unfulfilling relationship patterns
You're ready to heal your childhood wounds and need a relationship to learn from
You agreed to this relationship on a soul level to help the other person heal
You're on a journey to learn self-love, even if it's gut-wrenching
How Can You Tell If Your Karmic Relationship is Ending?
Your karmic relationship might be coming to an end if you are experiencing frequent arguments, paired with intense emotional reactivity and an increase in physical attraction. You might long for the early days of your relationship when you idealized your partner and felt that love at first sight feeling.
Here are 5 signs that your karmic relationship is ending:
You are fighting more frequently, and there's an increase in volatility and emotionality
Your relationship feels stagnant but you keep trying to reignite the love at first sight feeling
Your relationship turns abusive or toxic (when people are hurting but no one can take responsibility for it)
You find yourself fighting more, but also experience an increase in desire or attraction for your partner that baffles your brain a bit
The relationship feels all consuming and like it's taking more than it's giving
Can Karmic Relationships Be Healed?
Yes. Karmic relationships can be healed, though the path is not easy, linear or anything resembling a fairy tale ending. Sometimes the relationship transforms into something more conscious, more loving, more authentic. More often, the healing is a solo journey, and you’re asked to tend to the old wounds the relationship surfaced, the patterns that kept you reaching for the same pain (aka self-sabotage), and the parts of you that learned to abandon yourself in an attempt to hold onto love. The relationship may or may not survive. You will.
How Do I Heal from a Karmic Relationship?
Healing from a karmic relationship can be a painstaking process, but ultimately offers you an opportunity to grow, evolve, and transform yourself, and your capacity for deeply fulfilling relationships.
At a high level, this can be achieved through forgiveness, taking responsibility for your part in the relationship, and exploring the deep roots of your relationship patterns in order to finally heal your unconscious programming. Easier said than done, I know! Be gentle with yourself as you heal. When it all feels like too much, a simple grounding meditation can help bring you back into your body. And it can help to work with a therapist who understands both the psychological and spiritual layers of a karmic relationship, so you don't have to make sense of it all alone.
8 Ways to Heal from a Karmic Relationship
Acceptance. It can be difficult to accept that a relationship you thought was your twin flame, or soul match, has come to an end. Acknowledging this reality is the first step toward healing your heart.
Forgiveness. Lean into the practice of forgiveness, starting with yourself. You don't know what you don't know, and you often learn through painful 'mistakes.'
Ownership. Take responsibility for your part of the relationship, so you can learn what works and what doesn't for future relationships.
Energy Healing. Practice energy clearing and meditation that help you let go of the relationship both psychologically and spiritually (I prefer a 'releasing the fishhooks' meditation over a traditional cord-cutting ritual).
Inquiry Work. Engage in personal inquiry work to understand your own relationship patterns. Take time to reflect and identify any patterns or behaviors that contributed to the chaotic nature of the relationship. This will help you avoid recreating similar relationships in the future.
Therapy. Identify any unfinished business your karmic relationship surfaced, and work through it with support. Finding the right therapist, ideally one who understands both the psychological and spiritual dimensions of these relationships, can make all the difference. This is the integrative work we do at The Holistic Counseling Center.
Self-Care. During the healing process, it's more important than ever to prioritize yourself. This can look like finding more time to rest deeply, investing in relationships that soothe your heart, or doubling down on movement and nourishment.
Self-Love. Learning to deeply love yourself is always a process, but after a karmic relationship ends, you may need to re-establish your relationship with yourself. Start gently, and return to it often. For more support, explore your self-love healing journey.
How To Move On From a Karmic Relationship
Karmic relationships can wreak havoc on your mental health, sometimes leading to intense symptoms of depression, anxiety, suicidal ideation, soul fragmentation, or even physical illness.
If you find yourself experiencing any of these symptoms, please reach out to get matched with a therapist. And if you're ever in crisis or having thoughts of suicide, you can call or text 988, the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, anytime, day or night.
You don't have to wait until things feel unbearable to ask for support. If you're not sure whether it's time, these 11 signs it's time to start therapy can help bring some clarity.
And one final note. If you find yourself in a karmic relationship and know you need to move on, remember this:
Sometimes the bravest thing you can do for yourself is to say 'no more' and leave a relationship that is no longer serving you.
Just because you are karmically connected to another soul doesn't mean you have to stick with them for this lifetime.
This relationship was divinely designed by your soul and is unfolding at exactly the right time for your soul's growth and evolution.
Learning to recognize whether you're being asked to lean in and trust, or to let go and flow, can feel like an impossible task. But it comes with its own gifts, a deepening of your intuition, and diving into the most important relationship of all in this lifetime: yourself.
Whenever you're ready, we’re here. Our therapists offer holistic therapy that weaves psychotherapy with a spiritual lens, to help you understand how you got here, how to heal, and how to build a life that feels aligned with your Higher Self. You can book a free consultation call here to learn more about how we can help and get matched with a therapist.
References
Carnes, P. J. (1997). The Betrayal Bond: Breaking Free of Exploitive Relationships. Health Communications, Inc.
Hendrix, H. (1988). Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples. Henry Holt and Company.
Johnson, R. A. (1983). We: Understanding the Psychology of Romantic Love. Harper & Row.
Tennov, D. (1979). Love and Limerence: The Experience of Being in Love. Stein and Day.
About the Author
Kim Burris, LMFT is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, founder of The Holistic Counseling Center, and adjunct professor at the California Institute of Integral Studies (CIIS). She is the author of The First 90 Days After Birth and a contributing author to the SAGE Encyclopedia of Mood and Anxiety Disorders, and her work has been featured in Vogue, Bustle, and DailyOM, including Vogue's article on karmic relationships.
She honors the mind, body, and spirit connection, offering evidence-based psychotherapy with a heart-centered approach that helps people move from surviving to thriving. Kim and her team offer holistic counseling in San Francisco, San Anselmo, and El Dorado Hills, California, and online throughout California.
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